In the Thinking Position

Okay, so I had a strange thought. This might go so far as to be classified as deviant, but this is just how my mind works. The sooner you recognize/accept the abnormality that is me, the better off you’ll be with life in general.

So, to the odd thought. What if you were in a public restroom, doing your, you know, business. Dropping the kids off at the pool, we’ll say. And all of the sudden, a pipe burst from the toilet behind you. Perhaps it had suffered too many errant kicks-attempting to flush without touching anything with your hands. You really can’t touch those handles, people. It may be weird of me to not want to touch the door handles leading out of the restroom, based on my repeated observation of people going straight from stall to exit. But the handle on the toilet is guaranteed contaminated. I mean, they wipe, then they flush. There’s no middle ground there. I have yet to witness a restroom patron finish their business without flushing, go wash their hands, and then return to exorcise the demons.

But I’m getting off topic. So the pipe has burst, and you’re still mid-squat. What do you do? Do you wipe up, all the while getting soaked with toilet water? Do you run out and look for another stall to finish up in? And if so, what if there are no other open stalls? Then you’re just a goober with their pants around your ankles, standing out in front of everybody.

I guess there’s a third option. You could just pull up your pants and soldier on, hoping that there aren’t any visible stains to concern yourself with. Of course, if you’re soaked in toilet water, a little brown downtown will be the least of your worries.