Tomfoolery

Dog: What is this?
Me: It's a pizza roll. Try it, you'll like it.
Dog: It tastes like bland bread.
Me: You have to bite into it. The good stuff is on the inside.
Dog: (spitting it out)It tastes like bland bread.
Me: I watch you lick yourself for hours on end, and you have a problem with the taste of the outside of a pizza roll?
Dog: I'm not doin' that for taste.
Me: Fine, whatever, (cracking it open) here try it now.
Dog: (sigh).....FINE.........HOLY CRAP that's the best thing you've ever fed me! Gimme more!
Me: Oh, sorry, I only had one left that I didn't want. If I make some more I'll try to remember to save some for you.
Dog: "If" you make some more? You'll "try" to remember to make me some?
Me: How are you doing air quotes-
Dog: What am I doing out here, barking at every predator and woodland creature that dares to enter my domain, if not for pizza rolls.
Me: Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. There have been some complaints from the neighbors. Could you keep it down out here?
Dog: .......
Me: Well, g'night.
Dog: Whatever dude. You suck.
Me: (aside)

Little did he know his medicine was in that pizza roll. Muaahhahahah.
Dog: What was that?
Me: Oh nothing. Sleep well.
Dog: Dude, you are so weird.