Stephanie from Mormon Child Bride recently posted this commentary about women's perception in the world and the roles they accept in society. It got me thinking, as a father of a frighteningly precocious 2 year old, how do I feel about this? Do I want my daughter to be a smart, confident woman who is undervalued because she focused on learning instead of achieving social acceptance? Or would I rather she find her place in today's society, and accept that the easiest way to simple happiness is found in a make up bag?
I know what I'll tell her. I will tell her to pursue her dreams, whatever they may be, and I'll make every effort to make each and everyone of those dreams possible. If she wants to follow in the footsteps of Marie Curie or Mariah Carey, I will support her because I genuinely want her to be happy. But I worry that I'll feel like a failure if she sits at home alone on her prom night.
It would be wonderful if she didn't have to make that choice, if she could be the prom queen and head of the science club, but unfortunately here in the real world it doesn't always work that way. And that is entirely the fault of men like me. Men who spent their adolescence idolizing beautiful bodies and ignoring beautiful minds. And in this man's world, women have to work way too hard to have both a successful career and a happy home life.
I think I'm just going to have to make an extra effort to ensure my fears for her and the world's perception of her don't poison her upbringing. I will try my best to give her all the room she needs to grow. I just hope in the end I'm complete wrong about the way the world is, and it shows her all the beauty and joy it has, with only enough of the bad as is absolutely necessary to help her appreciate the good.
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I don't think it's too much to hope that your daughter be both smart and socially accepted. Both of my younger sisters have gone to college. The older of the two already finished with an degree in Art, and the other recently started a radiology program after having a kid. And they're both married to good men. They were two of the most loved and liked girls I've ever known. Between them, they've been Jr. Miss, drill team captain, honors students, scholarship recipients, and more. I don't think it's too much to be beautiful in mind, body, and spirit.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I may not be a women, but the popular vs. smart game still applied. I may not have my sisters' beauty, but I did take the prom queen to prom my junior year of high school, and now, 7 years later, I've gone 4 years to college on full scholarship, graduated, and gotten married to a beautiful girl.
Society kinda sucks right now. But I think the world still values hard working people, even if the media idolizes those who get rich doing little. But what I think it really comes down to is constant love and encouragement from parents. If you love your daughter with your whole heart, she'll know it and that'll be a stronger influence that the rest of the world combined.
I have heard more than one story like yours, but I fear that may have more to do than living in the LDS bubble than a well-round view of world we live in. Being around church members and ensconced in that world makes stories like yours more likely. Since I'm living out here in the mission field I'm afraid the influences of the world play a little more heavily into the equation. Not to say you or your sisters didn't have to deal with that, but I know in my high school at least what you are describing would have been unheard of.
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