Giddy-up, Jingle Horse...

Ah, Christmas. I've had many varied experiences with this holiday, in just about every climate imaginable (except desert; I don't think I've ever had a desert Christmas), and I'd have to say I'm looking forward to this one the most. I've recently added to my family, and due to the failures in my own life, I'm really looking forward to living vicariously through my children. That includes the wonders of the holidays.

Of course it doesn't help that I still feel like a little kid this time of year. The beauty of the lights, the gentle strains of Silent Night, the cheesy mushy as-men-we-must-chuckle-a-little-to-keep-from-tearing-up Christmas movies that come on, the occasional snow (this particular clime isn't exactly conducive to a white Christmas), and of course, presents.

Who doesn't like getting presents? Except for one of the poor souls who survived a unabomber attack, everybody gets a rush of excitement when opening gifts. It doesn't even matter what it is. If it's that diamond-encrusted writing pen you had your eye on (I saw one on Secret Millionaire, the coolest show ever), all the better, but it's more about the anticipation leading up to it all.

I for one am also a big sucker for a full house. As previously stated, I have had widely varied Christmas experiences, including ones where I was hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from home. Let me tell you, Christmas in a tropical paradise with only a couple of poor schlubs unable to get home isn't nearly as nice as trudging through the snow drifts to Grandma's house where fresh-baked sugar cookies and warm apple cider await.

So as soon as I "owned" (technically the bank owns it, and will for most of my adult life, and the HOA tells me what to do with it, but that's fodder for another post) my own home, I invited as many people over as I could. It was to the point that that first Christmas I had to have 2 separate dinners, not because her family and mine don't get along, but there were just too many people. I was very happy.

I read on someone else's blog about people who are willing to have people over, but then they need alone time to recharge, and other people who have people over to recharge. I'm definitely the latter. I feel like I feed off the energy of others, like some sort of parasitic creature from one of those sci-fi shows. See I'm all vague when I say sci-fi shows to give the impression that I don't go in for any of that nonsense, when the truth is I could speak intelligently (read: dorkily) on just about every show that ever had the word Star in it.

But I digress. I guess my point is if you're ever in my neck of the woods, you're always welcome for Christmas dinner. Or Thanksgiving. Or Independence day. Or Labor Day. Or Flag Day. Or Arbor Day. What is arbor day anyway? But not Valentine's Day. Me and the missus have to have one holiday to ourselves, for crying out loud.

If only...

I regularly chew Wrigley's Spearmint Gum in an effort to curb my appetite (with little success). I prefer to chew 2 pieces at once, and so I went to my drawer to do just that. Well, I only had one piece left. Not to worry, I told myself, I have that big 10 pack of packs further back in the drawer. When I fished it out and opened the gum, I discovered it was a lime green color. Fearing some error on my part, I re-examined the packaging, only to find that this particular brand of gum now has a New, Improved Flavor.

While this concerned me slightly, as I have been a fan of the old, unimproved flavor for many years, it was not enough of a concern to warrant a deviation from my original gum chewing plan. But then it struck me. I was about combine the old flavor (from the last remaining piece) with the new flavor. What were the odds that anyone had done this before? Honestly, I don't know too many people who chew a whole stick of gum at a time, let alone two, so the odds of this exact situation occurring to someone else was rather slim.

My mind was immediately awhirl with possibilities. Were there side effects from such a combination? Would I be struck down with a chemically-induced coma, causing all higher brain functions to cease? When emergency services arrived, would they in their ineptitude declare me legally dead? Would I be buried a few days later, only to revive as the first shovel-fulls of dirt were tossed on my casket?

Of course, another possibility existed. What if there were a beneficial reaction to the chemical composition I had just created? What if it somehow enhanced my own physical or mental abilities in such a way as to propel me to the forefront of scientific discovery? What if I was soon able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? What if I were mere seconds away from becoming the most powerful being on earth?

Suffice to say the gum's okay, but I prefer the old flavor. Also, I need a more challenging job.

Out out, Brief Candle...

Okay, so now I'm a blogger. There was a great deal of hesitancy on my part to get involved in this crowd for several reasons. First and foremost was the overabundance of blogging in general. There are so many of you out there doing this aready, spilling your guts and emoting all over the place, that I felt like I would be any one of a number of clichés that include little fish and small voices.

But after some extensive blog-reading, to the point that I'm pretty sure when I have my annual evaluation with my boss today he's going to tell me about a severe reduction in pay, I decided to give it a try. I was influenced in no small part by other bloggers I read, which only served to re-terrorize me with the fear of sooooooooo many better good writers out there.

I guess it all boils down to whether or not you feel like you're being appreciated in your real life. That's probably my main motivation here. I have (what some may call an undue) opinion of myself that makes me deserving of more attention than what I actually get. If I get it, of course, that will only serve to fuel my delusion. So if you happen across this blog and like what you read, do me a favor and don't tell me.