So I have a couple of options open to me. Thanks to the G.I. Bill (and all you lovely tax payers) I can go to any university I want. It's all paid for. A woo hoo. I'm nearly done with all the classes I can take at the handy dandy community college just up the street, so I'm going to have to be moving on to the big bad university next semester. Unfortunately, the school I want to attend doesn't do night classes, what with the cash cow masters program taking up all those slots.
I had resigned myself to attending a more accommodating but less prestigious institution, when I spoke to a friend of mine who shared that his boss was a kind man willing to adjust his work week to make certain days available for school, thus making the dream of big university study a reality. Well it occurred to me that my boss is a kind man, and would no doubt be equally willing to make such an opportunity available to me as well.
The downside: My boss isn't my boss anymore. He was recently offered a position in another department, leaving his job unfilled. As the next level of management is on another continent, there really isn't anywhere I can go to present my case for an alternate work schedule. So, hurray for not having a boss, but now how do I make this happen?
I don't want to bother my old boss, as he can't really do anything anyway, and I'm concerned that when they do finally fill his position, the first thing I say to my new boss shouldn't be, "Hey, nice to meet you, can I have Tuesdays and Thursdays off for the next year?" I guess it's not the end of the world to attend the other college. Plenty of people have gone there and gotten more than adequate degrees. I just don't want to regret not taking full advantage of the opportunities available to me.
Man, this post is kind of a downer. Anybody know any good bathroom jokes?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Curse You, Aqua Scum!!!
So if you hadn't already guessed it, I'm LDS, aka Mormon. Yeah yeah, I know, big surprise. I didn't say it before now because I didn't want this to be yet another Mormon blog, or worse yet another Mormon subversive blog. Maybe subversive is too strong a word, but you know those blogs where the writer's intent is to show just how off the beaten path they are, how non-conformist they are, or whatever.
Well I'm coming out to address something that has been bothering me. I've noticed that despite a moratorium on all things vulgar from anyone over the age of 17, there seems to be a pervasive need to hold on to the more truculent version of the word "urine".
Now I wasn't raised in the church, but the house I was raised in was extremely religious, and that word was just as acceptable as any other reference to excrement or where such excrement came from (how is it I always seem to manage to bring it back around to poop? I swear I'm not doing it on purpose). At the time (and even now) it didn’t particularly bother me, it just stands out as a holdover from the days when such putrescence would spill from my mouth like the cargo from one of Exxon's many dubiously piloted tankers.
Now there were worse words. The taking of the Lord's name in vain, coupled with beaver-related building, would get you smacked across the room. Also any attempt to discuss copulation in anything short of scientific terms would be the quickest route to a sore backside.
The beaver building by itself, donkey-related chats, dog talk (mainly female), or words to describe body parts that weren't often used to describe body parts would get you a stern talking to or maybe a smack just out of a need for consistency, but I feel like they weren't necessarily on the watchlist quite the way the others were. Honestly all the rest were in a happy little cesspool of depravity, hovering just above your sucks and crap, etc.
Of course I’ve made the argument and will continue to do so that any word said in anger is just as bad as another. It’s the intent that the word expresses that is foul, not the word itself. Just as I can dam a bridge, Joseph could lead the ass carrying Mary, and I don’t want to go to hell when I die, those words when said as an expletive would be strictly forbidden from or around my children. By the same token if they said “FUDGE ME” or “GO TO HECK” or “THAS SOME BULL SHIZZ” I will be just as quick to punish them as if they’d said the word they were attempting to subvert. Many of my friends and family do this constantly and then claim they don’t curse, but I don’t really see the difference.
Well I'm coming out to address something that has been bothering me. I've noticed that despite a moratorium on all things vulgar from anyone over the age of 17, there seems to be a pervasive need to hold on to the more truculent version of the word "urine".
Now I wasn't raised in the church, but the house I was raised in was extremely religious, and that word was just as acceptable as any other reference to excrement or where such excrement came from (how is it I always seem to manage to bring it back around to poop? I swear I'm not doing it on purpose). At the time (and even now) it didn’t particularly bother me, it just stands out as a holdover from the days when such putrescence would spill from my mouth like the cargo from one of Exxon's many dubiously piloted tankers.
Now there were worse words. The taking of the Lord's name in vain, coupled with beaver-related building, would get you smacked across the room. Also any attempt to discuss copulation in anything short of scientific terms would be the quickest route to a sore backside.
The beaver building by itself, donkey-related chats, dog talk (mainly female), or words to describe body parts that weren't often used to describe body parts would get you a stern talking to or maybe a smack just out of a need for consistency, but I feel like they weren't necessarily on the watchlist quite the way the others were. Honestly all the rest were in a happy little cesspool of depravity, hovering just above your sucks and crap, etc.
Of course I’ve made the argument and will continue to do so that any word said in anger is just as bad as another. It’s the intent that the word expresses that is foul, not the word itself. Just as I can dam a bridge, Joseph could lead the ass carrying Mary, and I don’t want to go to hell when I die, those words when said as an expletive would be strictly forbidden from or around my children. By the same token if they said “FUDGE ME” or “GO TO HECK” or “THAS SOME BULL SHIZZ” I will be just as quick to punish them as if they’d said the word they were attempting to subvert. Many of my friends and family do this constantly and then claim they don’t curse, but I don’t really see the difference.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
What A Great Idea! #9
Okay, so no counter space is a problem. We've all dealt with it. You're in a tiny, cramped apartment with a microscopic kitchenette that you can barely fit 2 people in sideways. So how can you make more room? Well, I had an idea. What if, instead of filling your counter with jars of baking needs (flour, sugar, etc.), you had a dispenser attached to the wall that, with a press of a button or a turn of a knob, could measure out an exact amount of that particular ingredient?
Now there are a number of ways to accomplish this. It could be a mechanical measurement, like some sort of wheel located in the throat of the dispenser that was the size of say a teaspoon or quarter cup, and you just turn the wheel to get to the amount you need. Another option is an electronic system. You would only need a small keypad where you could enter the desired amount and the system could open the dispenser for a specific amount of time to match that amount.
This idea solves 2 big problems. First, the space saving I talked about earlier. Now you may not put a bunch of ingredient jars out on your counter, but you have them somewhere, and wherever they are they are taking up room. And if they're not on the counter, then you have to dig around looking for them every time you want to use them. This puts them conveniently at hand but out of the way. Second, it's an end to measuring cups. At least for dry goods. No more worrying if you got the measurement right, and that many less dishes to wash. All the way around a good thing.
Another benefit, maybe not that big of a deal, is if the dispensers are clear, you always know how much of whatever it is you have left. With just a glance you know to add flour to the grocery list, instead of getting ready to bake those cupcakes for your son's Halloween party that he told you about the day before, only to find you have to make a late night run to the store because when you opened up your Tupperware container you saw it was empty.
And the marketing possibilities are endless. Various sizes, from the newlywed size for those just learning to cook, to the SAHM of 5 who needs the industrial size, to the professional chef who REALLY needs the industrial size. Not to mention a whole line of mini-sizes for frequently used spices with smaller measurements, since odds are against you needing a quarter cup of cumin for anything.
Also, they should have some sort of easy fill funnel that comes with them, since they'll be up against the wall and that will make refills difficult. Maybe even a plastic membrane that covers the top, with a small stretchy hole that you can fit the funnel or can of spice into but will maintain a seal. Because trying to pour spices or really any dry good like that will create quite a cloud.
Now there are a number of ways to accomplish this. It could be a mechanical measurement, like some sort of wheel located in the throat of the dispenser that was the size of say a teaspoon or quarter cup, and you just turn the wheel to get to the amount you need. Another option is an electronic system. You would only need a small keypad where you could enter the desired amount and the system could open the dispenser for a specific amount of time to match that amount.
This idea solves 2 big problems. First, the space saving I talked about earlier. Now you may not put a bunch of ingredient jars out on your counter, but you have them somewhere, and wherever they are they are taking up room. And if they're not on the counter, then you have to dig around looking for them every time you want to use them. This puts them conveniently at hand but out of the way. Second, it's an end to measuring cups. At least for dry goods. No more worrying if you got the measurement right, and that many less dishes to wash. All the way around a good thing.
Another benefit, maybe not that big of a deal, is if the dispensers are clear, you always know how much of whatever it is you have left. With just a glance you know to add flour to the grocery list, instead of getting ready to bake those cupcakes for your son's Halloween party that he told you about the day before, only to find you have to make a late night run to the store because when you opened up your Tupperware container you saw it was empty.
And the marketing possibilities are endless. Various sizes, from the newlywed size for those just learning to cook, to the SAHM of 5 who needs the industrial size, to the professional chef who REALLY needs the industrial size. Not to mention a whole line of mini-sizes for frequently used spices with smaller measurements, since odds are against you needing a quarter cup of cumin for anything.
Also, they should have some sort of easy fill funnel that comes with them, since they'll be up against the wall and that will make refills difficult. Maybe even a plastic membrane that covers the top, with a small stretchy hole that you can fit the funnel or can of spice into but will maintain a seal. Because trying to pour spices or really any dry good like that will create quite a cloud.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Tax Return
Never before has having money actually sucked. I don't know what to do with my tax return. Obviously I'm going to pay down some of my massive debt. And of course the car repairs that I have desperately needed will get done. The problem is, what do I do with the rest of it?
I can't bring myself to put it all toward the Gold Card, because then what am I working for? There has to be tangible benefits to so many long hours at the office (yes, yes, other than wife, kid, house, car blah blah blah). To me, this isn't one of those situations where you do the "sensible" thing. Yawn. I have a budget, with everything accounted for and my credit card debt all but gone sometime in 2013. I want to focus on now.
I thought about getting a concealed hand gun license, cuz what's the point of owning a gun if you can't secretly carry it around and feel superior to everybody? Of course if I did that, then my wife would probably want one, and if I did that then I'd have to get her a gun too. Not to mention the holsters and loose-fitting shirts required for proper concealment.
Then I thought about using it for a down payment on a second car, but that has a whole string of problems associated with it as well. Yet another monthly payment, possible increase in insurance, not to mention giving my wife mobility. I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable with that (Kidding, kidding honey, put the gun away).
There's always a nice vacation. A cruise, a resort stay, a cross-country easy-rider-esque jaunt that hopefully doesn't involve drug-induced hallucinations and death by redneck. (What happened to you, Dennis Hopper? You used to be cool, man.) The only problem with that line of thought is when would I go. Between a full time job and 5 college classes, there aren't too many opportunities for travel. (See what I did there? Totally snuck in more bragging. Betcha didn't even notice. Okay, you probably did. I'm sorry.) Sure, I could go during spring break, but that's when everybody else is going. So unless I want to go to Wichita, KS, odds are against me finding anything cheap or drunk topless coed-free.
Is a puzzlement (name that movie). Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I can't bring myself to put it all toward the Gold Card, because then what am I working for? There has to be tangible benefits to so many long hours at the office (yes, yes, other than wife, kid, house, car blah blah blah). To me, this isn't one of those situations where you do the "sensible" thing. Yawn. I have a budget, with everything accounted for and my credit card debt all but gone sometime in 2013. I want to focus on now.
I thought about getting a concealed hand gun license, cuz what's the point of owning a gun if you can't secretly carry it around and feel superior to everybody? Of course if I did that, then my wife would probably want one, and if I did that then I'd have to get her a gun too. Not to mention the holsters and loose-fitting shirts required for proper concealment.
Then I thought about using it for a down payment on a second car, but that has a whole string of problems associated with it as well. Yet another monthly payment, possible increase in insurance, not to mention giving my wife mobility. I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable with that (Kidding, kidding honey, put the gun away).
There's always a nice vacation. A cruise, a resort stay, a cross-country easy-rider-esque jaunt that hopefully doesn't involve drug-induced hallucinations and death by redneck. (What happened to you, Dennis Hopper? You used to be cool, man.) The only problem with that line of thought is when would I go. Between a full time job and 5 college classes, there aren't too many opportunities for travel. (See what I did there? Totally snuck in more bragging. Betcha didn't even notice. Okay, you probably did. I'm sorry.) Sure, I could go during spring break, but that's when everybody else is going. So unless I want to go to Wichita, KS, odds are against me finding anything cheap or drunk topless coed-free.
Is a puzzlement (name that movie). Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Friday, January 22, 2010
I Finally Have It All Figured Out...
So have any of you heard of this "Southbeach Diet" thing? Apparently it's all the rage. Well the missus and I decided to give it a go, just for the fun of it (and maybe a few medical concerns, but that's none of your cotton-pickin' business, now is it?). Well it worked. We did it for 2 weeks before Thanksgiving and I lost 22lbs in that 2 week period. {Huzzah. Huzzah} I always get the genie from Aladdin singing "Hail, the conquering hero! BRRR BRR BUDDA BAH BUDDA BAH, buddabuh boppa doo" whenever I get all narcissistic like this.
Of course, I was starting from 252 lbs at 6'3", so I had plenty of room for improvement. And now I have plenty of room (wait for it) IN MY PANTS! (no, that was not an invitation. You know, if I'm not careful with these asides, this whole post could be in parentheses. Wouldn't that be funny? Writing a couple of sentences about one topic, and then spending the rest of the post commenting on those things I was writing about and the styles I was writing them in. {sigh} That'd be a hoot. Anywho.... Oh right) But we went on hiatus for the holidays and of course I gained back about 10 of those el bees, so we decided to give it another go (heh, heh, I-oh nevermind) after the new year got going.
Well, I haven't been quite as successful this time around. Maybe it's destiny for me to be this weight, but I lost those pounds I gained back during the Christmas break, and NOT ONE OUNCE MORE. I emphasize that not only to wake you with my shouting if you had started to doze off, but also cuz it sucks. Dieting is only fun when it's working. I'm so not one of those people you can tell, "give it a few weeks, you'll start to see results". Homie don't play dat. So I quit. The diet is in phases and this one is supposed to last until Sunday, but I went ahead and got some fast food last night. It was good too. What's worse is instead of the strong, supportive wife telling me,"No, we really need to stick with this. It's just a few more days." I got, "I could go for some pizza. Can we get pizza?" We got Taco Bell instead.
But at least I've started working out. I did 30 minutes on my elliptical trainer last night. And that really sucked. What I've figured out (and the title of this post, only 87 paragraphs in, way to drag it out) is that something in your life has to suck. There can't always be rainbows and sunshines and lollipops. If you don't make something suck, life will start sucking all on its own. Better you take the bull by the horns and at least get to choose the sucky parts. Now this is a risky choice, since there's always the chance that life's gonna just go right ahead and suck anyway, but I feel like the odds are greatly reduced if you're running the show.
This could be for a number of reasons. You need the bad to appreciate the good, everything must be in balance, Earl Hickey's Karma talk, whatever. But it's true. Sure some people have it better than others, and others don't necessarily see how bad some have it since others are on the other side of the fence thinking that some are just fat and happy when in fact some aren't all that happy and are wishing they had it as good as others do. And I think i need to lie down.
So what does it all mean? I'm getting back in shape! Yay me! I give it a month.
Of course, I was starting from 252 lbs at 6'3", so I had plenty of room for improvement. And now I have plenty of room (wait for it) IN MY PANTS! (no, that was not an invitation. You know, if I'm not careful with these asides, this whole post could be in parentheses. Wouldn't that be funny? Writing a couple of sentences about one topic, and then spending the rest of the post commenting on those things I was writing about and the styles I was writing them in. {sigh} That'd be a hoot. Anywho.... Oh right) But we went on hiatus for the holidays and of course I gained back about 10 of those el bees, so we decided to give it another go (heh, heh, I-oh nevermind) after the new year got going.
Well, I haven't been quite as successful this time around. Maybe it's destiny for me to be this weight, but I lost those pounds I gained back during the Christmas break, and NOT ONE OUNCE MORE. I emphasize that not only to wake you with my shouting if you had started to doze off, but also cuz it sucks. Dieting is only fun when it's working. I'm so not one of those people you can tell, "give it a few weeks, you'll start to see results". Homie don't play dat. So I quit. The diet is in phases and this one is supposed to last until Sunday, but I went ahead and got some fast food last night. It was good too. What's worse is instead of the strong, supportive wife telling me,"No, we really need to stick with this. It's just a few more days." I got, "I could go for some pizza. Can we get pizza?" We got Taco Bell instead.
But at least I've started working out. I did 30 minutes on my elliptical trainer last night. And that really sucked. What I've figured out (and the title of this post, only 87 paragraphs in, way to drag it out) is that something in your life has to suck. There can't always be rainbows and sunshines and lollipops. If you don't make something suck, life will start sucking all on its own. Better you take the bull by the horns and at least get to choose the sucky parts. Now this is a risky choice, since there's always the chance that life's gonna just go right ahead and suck anyway, but I feel like the odds are greatly reduced if you're running the show.
This could be for a number of reasons. You need the bad to appreciate the good, everything must be in balance, Earl Hickey's Karma talk, whatever. But it's true. Sure some people have it better than others, and others don't necessarily see how bad some have it since others are on the other side of the fence thinking that some are just fat and happy when in fact some aren't all that happy and are wishing they had it as good as others do. And I think i need to lie down.
So what does it all mean? I'm getting back in shape! Yay me! I give it a month.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Time Flies, But Who Cares?
Hard to believe it's been 2 months since my last visit. What's less difficult to believe (for me anyway) is that there really isn't anything I need to cover to bring all my thousands of loyal imaginary readers up to date. I still have the same job that I never told you about in the first place, I still have the same house that I've never discussed, and I'm stilling going to school for a degree I have yet to elaborate on. All in all, life's life-y.
The truth is I'm having problems galore, but no one wants to discuss stuff like that on a blog, right? It's all supposed to be entertaining. Sure, you can add a little drama and intrigue, but don't be a downer. Heck, even the Nie Nie blog has to constantly make references to their hopes and prayers and how much they believe everything will work out, because if people who were suffering like they did ever put how angry and frustrated and distraught and disgusted they were with life in general nobody would ever read it. Gotta end on a high note!
That's not to say that Stephanie or anybody else suffering through tragedy is definitely feeling those feelings, but I know a majority of them are. How do I know this, you may ask? Simple, because if they didn't feel that way, then those people who have such a genuine positive outlook on life wouldn't be the rare gems that they are. I mean, if everybody who survived a crippling car crash (ah, alliteration) had a smile on their face and a song in their heart, we wouldn't be all, "Wow, you're such a strong person." We'd probably be all, "Quit that singin' crap. I'm tryin' to watch Sportscenter."
I dunno. I guess the point is that nothin' that's wrong with me isn't wrong with everybody else on some level. We all got problems. Maybe that's the antithesis of my little imaginary world in the last paragraph. That's why we aren't entertained by other people's problems. We're all trying to watch Sportscenter!
The truth is I'm having problems galore, but no one wants to discuss stuff like that on a blog, right? It's all supposed to be entertaining. Sure, you can add a little drama and intrigue, but don't be a downer. Heck, even the Nie Nie blog has to constantly make references to their hopes and prayers and how much they believe everything will work out, because if people who were suffering like they did ever put how angry and frustrated and distraught and disgusted they were with life in general nobody would ever read it. Gotta end on a high note!
That's not to say that Stephanie or anybody else suffering through tragedy is definitely feeling those feelings, but I know a majority of them are. How do I know this, you may ask? Simple, because if they didn't feel that way, then those people who have such a genuine positive outlook on life wouldn't be the rare gems that they are. I mean, if everybody who survived a crippling car crash (ah, alliteration) had a smile on their face and a song in their heart, we wouldn't be all, "Wow, you're such a strong person." We'd probably be all, "Quit that singin' crap. I'm tryin' to watch Sportscenter."
I dunno. I guess the point is that nothin' that's wrong with me isn't wrong with everybody else on some level. We all got problems. Maybe that's the antithesis of my little imaginary world in the last paragraph. That's why we aren't entertained by other people's problems. We're all trying to watch Sportscenter!
Monday, August 17, 2009
What a Great Idea! #8
Little boys like to destroy. It's in their blood, it's what they do, it's just something that parents have to come to grips with. Sure, girls do it too, but not to the extent of boys. So my Great Idea is to design something made for destruction.
The idea is this: Make a toy (a cityscape, a DVD player, a glass vase, a replica of your high school baseball trophies, etc.) but make it out of a series of interconnecting parts. Then attach those parts with some kind of high-tensile strength cabling. Then attach the cabling to a spring-loaded spool. As the little tykes go on their rampage of destruction, all you have to do is pick up the toy, reel in the pieces until they fit (with a few slight adjustments here and there to ensure proper alignment) and then release the spool, thereby releasing the tension on the line and allowing for more destruction at your convenience. With very little effort a motor could be attached to the spool to provide the ease of push-button cleaning.
The idea is this: Make a toy (a cityscape, a DVD player, a glass vase, a replica of your high school baseball trophies, etc.) but make it out of a series of interconnecting parts. Then attach those parts with some kind of high-tensile strength cabling. Then attach the cabling to a spring-loaded spool. As the little tykes go on their rampage of destruction, all you have to do is pick up the toy, reel in the pieces until they fit (with a few slight adjustments here and there to ensure proper alignment) and then release the spool, thereby releasing the tension on the line and allowing for more destruction at your convenience. With very little effort a motor could be attached to the spool to provide the ease of push-button cleaning.
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