Also Not That Bad

I meant to have these out this weekend, but stuff came up, I have a life, maybe you should get one, whatever. Here's the rest of them. Enjoy.

13. I have traveled to 20 countries on 4 different continents over the course of 9 years and I can't find a single picture of me in front of a single significant landmark or monument that would prove that I have visited any of those places. Okay, that was bragging, but I snuck it in there, so it doesn't count.

14. I cannot juggle. I have tried to learn on several different occasions, but for some reason I just can't get the rhythm or the timing down. I don't think it's my coordination, because I'm pretty good at some other stuff like hacky-sack and such, but juggling eludes me.

15. I am the worst chess player I have ever met. I am so bad it's scary. I was about 18 years old, and I taught my 10 year old cousin how to play, and he beat me on the following game(s) . One chess program I played had a myriad of computer opponents, starting with "the king" and "the queen" as the most difficult opponents and continuing on through the whole royal court until you got to the easiest character, the street urchin. The street urchin kicked my butt, every single time.

16. I used to collect everything. Keychains, matchbooks, t-shirts, buttons, dice, shot glasses, sunglasses, hats, bouncy balls, hacky sacks, puzzles. You name it, it seemed like I had a group of them stashed somewhere in my room. Then one day I just didn't see the point anymore. I still have some of the stuff I used to collect somewhere, in case any of you have any of those collections. I'll be happy to send it to you. If I can find it.

17. I think the phrase 'ignorance is bliss' is one of the truest things anyone has ever said. I'm glad I have gained most of the knowledge I have, but there are somethings in this world I wish I never knew about. Like skorts. Who the $%@#* came up with skorts? Seriously people.

18. I sometimes take the digits in a number, like a phone number, and subtract and add to them until they are all even. For instance, if presented with the phone number 932-5718, I would take 2 from the 9 and add it to the 3, then take 2 from the 9 and add it to the 2, which would give me 554-5718. Then I would take 1 from the 7 and add it to the 4, and take 1 from the 7 and add it to the 1. Then I would take 3 from the 8 and add it to the 1. That would give me 555-5555. I don't know why I started doing it, but I can't seem to stop, and I get very excited when I find a number that works out like my example where they are all even.

19. I never liked the taste of coffee. I don't drink it anymore, but when I did I never had any that was any good. I would always put mounds of sugar and creamer in it, or buy from Starbucks as a venti mocha half caf crappacino (or however you spell it) and call that coffee. But just a straight up, black cup of coffee always turned my stomach.

20. Same thing with liquor. Any kind of liquor straight is just awful. If you dress it up with fruit juices or soda it isn't as bad, but I just never liked the taste of any of them. I always feel like the story of the emperor's new clothes when I talk about stuff like this, like there's no way anyone else could actually like these things, but they act like they do just so they fit in. No, I'm not too full of myself. Why do you ask?

21. I hate not knowing where phrases come from, like "Apple of my eye" or "Dead Ringer". Why do we say these things? It really bothers me sometimes. Okay, it bothers me all the time. So sue me.

22. I really really like owning a gun. I don't know why, because I never felt like I was in danger before I got married. But now I am constantly thinking about the evils that lurk right outside my door. Especially while I'm at work and my wife and infant daughter are at home. I know if a bad man wanted to do bad things in my home, a wooden door probably wouldn't stop him. I feel fairly certain 13 rounds of 9 millimeter ammunition center mass would do the trick though.

23. I don't know squat about home maintenance or car maintenance. My wife's uncle, who works in air conditioning, had to tell me to change my air filters more than once a year (I apparently had the kind that needed to be changed monthly). He told me this while he replaced the part of my air conditioner that had been fried. Actually, that was about 3 months ago, and I don't think I've changed my filters since. Hmm.

24. I play games on my phone while I go to the bathroom. I used to think that was gross, handling something you held up to your face while you do...that. But I came up with a system that ensures no cross-contamination. Honestly, I think if I could find a way, I would just spend all my time playing tetris. I mean, it's tetris. Who doesn't like tetris?

25. I never wanted to be a writer when I was a kid. There were dozens of potential jobs out there that I aspired to throughout my childhood (though rarely with any real zeal (hey, that rhymes, cool)), but never anything to do with writing. I hated writing in school. Too many rules, too much research. Then I got to college and it was like a whole new world opened up for me. I started to enjoy it. I still don't want to do it forever, but it is kind of fun sometimes.

So that's a little about me. Some of you may have found it interesting, most of you probably just skimmed. I get it. I can be a bit wordy. It's just what I happen to come up with and then bring forth, similar to how an infant will bring forth their recently ingested milk when they aren't feeling well.